Monday, May 10, 2010

It's that time.

Michael is at the hotel now, the one they make him stay in the night before he ships to Great Lakes. He leaves tomorrow afternoon and hopefully I'll be able to give him a decent goodbye.  I hope I'm not giving away too much info (OPSEC). Forgive me if I am, I'm still learning.  :)
I think I'm handling things pretty well so far, I haven't cried yet, I'm not nervous, my only stress is about bills.  Don't get me wrong, it's only been a few hours and I miss him already, but I am so dang proud of him it's hard to feel anything else. 

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's answers to the "Military Wife Blogger Competition".  Their (your) answers fill me with a sense of pride, calm, and a little bit of dread, if that combination of emotions is even possible.  I love reading milspouse blogs and pulling from their (your) strength and learning from them (you).  I'm trying to learn as much as I can.
I'm scared I'll screw things up and I'm afraid I won't be supportive enough or I'll be too needy or naggy.  I'm worried I'll forget to pay a bill or spend too much.  I'm proud that I have the oppurtunity to support my husband (a future sailor) and that I can serve our country in my own small way.   I'm numb because I don't want to hurt.  I'm.... in love. I love him so damn much.  I need to get used to this whole being away thing, I hear it never gets any easier, you just learn to deal better, and I really hope I get the hang of dealing.  I don't want this to turn into a mopey, whiney, "woe is me" type of blog, but I'll be honest, there is sure to be some of that, and forgive me but it's what I need and I'm sure you all understand.  :)

Well, I hope everyone had a good Monday and an even better rest of their week.
I'll write more tomorrow, hopefully without so many "I" statements and not so depressing.  :)

Much love.
Amanda

EDIT: here are a few of the last pictures we took together.  :)
Please excuse the no makeup craziness that is my face, I don't know what it is but these were VERY unflattering pictures. ugh.




6 comments:

  1. If there is ONE thing I have learned and know for certain in the year I've been a wife and in the many years I've been his friend. Those emotions are definitely possible. It is the weirdest mix I have ever felt and it catches me in the back of my throat and I tear up. But it is amazing. It goes hand in hand with Love. Good luck, You know where to find me if you need a laugh or a shoulder to cry on...hop on over to my blog. I'll do my best to fit the bill!

    ReplyDelete
  2. it wont let me see your profile, so I can't find your blog!! :/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi! I've been following you for a little while and I have something for you over at my blog! Go check it out!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You can do it! You seriously don't know how strong you are until you have to be strong! The independence comes to you and somehow you are super woman! We are going through deployment number 3 and missing each other and being apart does not get easier, but you learn from your past mistakes, figure out how YOU cope, and find strength from each other! You can do this, we're all here for you! Stay strong, hugs!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. He is going to do so well, and so are YOU!!!

    the fact that you are so PROUD of him and you are already thinking about future issues (financially) shows that you are going to be great at problem solving and even avouding major issues couples have during these types of seperation.

    you will grow so much seperately and so much more together...it's going to be tough, but SO BEAUTIFUL!!! :) I have faith in you girl!!! Yall can do it!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Leave some Love!!!